Our relationship ended this year, when I think back I’ve realised that he was always very controlling and manipulative from the start. He used to purposely make sure he managed all the money and the house, car etc. In the beginning it was like he was looking after me but in the end, it was just to keep hold of the power. Every day was based on the mood he was in, he is always up OR down; happy one minute and so down the next, he would be telling me one minute he felt like killing himself and then the next minute he would be on top of the world.
I felt very isolated when we were together. I remember as well that he used to always bad mouth his ex-girlfriend to me, telling me how she was the bad one and telling me horrible things she had done. I believed him because I didn’t see his bad side at first, he is very good at manipulating people. You’re blind to it when you’re in a relationship with someone, it takes so long to accept what’s happening and acknowledge that you’ve changed your personality or your routine, or interests because of his behaviour. I could feel that things had changed and I knew that things weren’t right and I wasn’t happy but you kind of just get on with it, I didn’t know how to get out of it.
I still feel like he has control over me because he is paying the mortgage rather than giving me child maintenance money; he can mess me around at any time and tell me he isn’t paying it or and I feel that if I upset him in any way that he just won’t pay it.
I have to figure out how I’m going to take control back safely. It’s complicated and I’m still on edge having contact with him, but I’m in a much better place than I was since I left and I don’t regret it.
Julie, 27, Knowsley